I’m Not Okay Either

Home of the Brave?
May 27, 2022 By Gabe Kapler
The day 19 children and 2 teachers were murdered, we held a moment of silence at sporting events around the country, then we played the national anthem, and we went on with our lives.
Players, staff and fans stood for the moment of silence, grieving the lives lost, and then we (myself included) continued to stand, proudly proclaiming ourselves the land of the free and the home of the brave.  We didn’t stop to reflect on whether we are actually free and brave after this horrific event, we just stood at attention.
When I was the same age as the children in Uvalde, my father taught me to stand for the pledge of allegiance when I believed my country was representing its people well or to protest and stay seated when it wasn’t.  I don’t believe it is representing us well right now.
This particular time, an 18 year old walked into a store, bought multiple assault rifles and hundreds of rounds of ammunition, walked into a school with an armed resource officer and its own police district and was able to murder children for nearly an hour.  Parents begged and pleaded with police officers to do something, police officers who had weapons and who receive nearly 40% of the city’s funding, as their children were being murdered.
We elect our politicians to represent our interests.  Immediately following this shooting, we were told we needed locked doors and armed teachers.  We were given thoughts and prayers.  We were told it could have been worse, and we just need love.
But we weren’t given bravery, and we aren’t free.  The police on the scene put a mother in handcuffs as she begged them to go in and save her children.  They blocked parents trying to organize to charge in to stop the shooter, including a father who learned his daughter was murdered while he argued with the cops.  We aren’t free when politicians decide that the lobbyist and gun industries are more important than our children’s freedom to go to school without needing bulletproof backpacks and active shooter drills.
I’m often struck before our games by the lack of delivery of the promise of what our national anthem represents.  We stand in honor of a country where we elect representatives to serve us, to thoughtfully consider and enact legislation that protects the interests of all the people in this country and to move this country forward towards the vision of the “shining city on the hill.”  But instead, we thoughtlessly link our moment of silence and grief with the equally thoughtless display of celebration for a country that refuses to take up the concept of controlling the sale of weapons used nearly exclusively for the mass slaughter of human beings.  We have our moment (over and over), and then we move on without demanding real change from the people we empower to make these changes.  We stand, we bow our heads, and the people in power leave on recess, celebrating their own patriotism at every turn.
Every time I place my hand over my heart and remove my hat, I’m participating in a self congratulatory glorification of the ONLY country where these mass shootings take place.  On Wednesday, I walked out onto the field, I listened to the announcement as we honored the victims in Uvalde.  I bowed my head.  I stood for the national anthem.  Metallica riffed on City Connect guitars.
My brain said drop to a knee;  my body didn’t listen.  I wanted to walk back inside;  instead I froze.  I felt like a coward.  I didn’t want to call attention to myself.  I didn’t want to take away from the victims or their families.  There was a baseball game, a rock band, the lights, the pageantry.  I knew that thousands of people were using this game to escape the horrors of the world for just a little bit.  I knew that thousands more wouldn’t understand the gesture and would take it as an offense to the military, to veterans, to themselves.
But I am not okay with the state of this country.  I wish I hadn’t let my discomfort compromise my integrity.  I wish that I could have demonstrated what I learned from my dad, that when you’re dissatisfied with your country, you let it be known through protest.  The home of the brave should encourage this.
—    Gabe Kapler
Manager, San Francisco Giants (baseball team)
Mr. Kapler’s personal blog can be found at:  Kaplifestyle – A Lifestyle and Fitness site by Gabe Kapler
The specific post can be found at:  Home of the Brave? (kaplifestyle.com)
[Disclaimer:  The above post has been copied from the original site without permission or prior approval.  I make no claim of ownership – implied or actual.  I read the original blog post multiple times to try to extract the hi-lights for a “fair-use” review / quote.  I lacked the skill (or heart) to do this, so I am reprinting the author’s post in its entirety.  If Mr. Kapler feels I have misused his intellectual property and asks me to remove or modify this post, I will do so.    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	Make A Difference
	What’s That Sound?
2020	Promise Her In Music
2019	But I’m Well Past 100 By Now
2018	Learn
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2017	And Yet I’m Still Having Fun
2016	I See Coincidence Everywhere
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2015	I Resemble That Remark… (5!)
2014	The Writer’s Dilemma
2013	Just Paying The Rent
2012	Remembering…
2011	A Little Farther

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Truly And Simply

What is love to me?  Love is the little things.  The countless unplanned stares.  The sweet smiles when you hear their name.  When that person is in your mind at random times for no reason.  Wanting to be around that person for hours.  Looking into each other’s eyes and just knowing what you both feel. It’s talking about stupid things, but never wanting to say goodbye.  Holding on to everything they’ve ever said.  Making memories.  The little kisses that seem to linger on your lips.  The daydreams.  The actual dreams that you never want to wake up from.  Finding any reason to bring that person up in a conversation.  Cuddling and being completely intrigued by that person’s heartbeat and how in sync you feel with them.  Talking about everything you don’t like and all the things you do.  Trying to get through problems.  Failing at trying to solve them.  It’s the little arguments.  The movie dates.  The hugs where you never want to let go.  Laughing at everything.  Embarrassing ourselves in front of one another.  The tears, the yelling.  The way their voice brightens your day.  Never wanting to give up.  It’s when you see a future with someone.  It’s writing that persons name over and over again because you like the way it looks.  It’s trying to prove each other wrong.  Trying to figure things out.  Trying to make that person believe you’re the one.  Giving that person every reason to think you’re out.  It’s giving that person every opportunity to break you down, but hoping they won’t.  It’s the cheesy pick up lines.  The silly faces made at each other.  The support for each other.  It’s trust.  It’s putting in everything you got.  It’s letting go and hoping they won’t stay gone.  It’s letting down your guard.  It’s sharing things like favourite colours and movies.  It’s finding all the things you have in common and all the things you have in common and all the things that are different.  It’s doubling.  It’s content thinking.  Overthinking.  Believing.  It’s feeling like everything’s a dream, but realising its reality.  It’s doing things like staring at the stars and going for walks.  It’s noticing each other in a crowd.  Noticing how their eyes sparkle in the sun.  Or how their voice squeaks when they giggle.  It’s being consumed.  It’s being intrigued by everything about them.  It’s being confused.  It’s being happy.  Being sad.  Even being mad.  It’s getting jealous over stupid things.  Fighting for each other.  Teasing each other playfully.  Being comfortable with someone.  Not feeling the need to hide.  Not feeling the need to change.  Getting butterflies.  Feeling love.  Feeling wanted.  It’s the hour long walks.  Lying in someone’s arms and feeling like nothing could ever tear you all apart.  It’s the jokes.  That can sometimes go too far.  It’s helping someone conquer their fears.  Bringing someone’s fairy tales to life.  Believing in each other.  Feeling free.  Seeing each other break.  It’s listening.  It’s being goofy.  It’s doing gross things like shooting milk out of your nose and having the person accept it.  It’s making promises.  Breaking promises.  It’s adoring someone.  It’s keeping each other strong.  It’s overreacting.  Apologising.  It’s dealing with mood swings.  The little goodbyes when it’s time to leave.  It’s never wanting that person to leave.  It’s being spontaneous.  It’s doing things like sitting outside instead of going to restaurants.  It’s breaking rules.  It’s staying out late.  It’s wanting to spend all your time with that person.  Not being able to describe your feelings.  It’s crazy and beautiful.  It’s loving someone’s personality.  Loving their heart.  It’s forgetting about everything else because that person consumes your mind.  It’s trying even when you know you should give up.  It’s dedicating songs.  It’s seeing something and having it automatically remind you of that person.  It’s holding on to everything they’re even given you.  It’s remembering all the little things.  It’s caring too much.  It’s not saying I love you, but feeling the love within yourself.  It’s not knowing where you stand.  It’s acceptance.  It’s heart wrenching.  It’s going out of your way to see them happy.  It is truly and simply, love.
—    From the blog:  Be Inspired..!!
Located at:  https://empress2inspire.blog/
The post is titled:  Love To Me Is
The specific post is located at:  https://empress2inspire.blog/2022/05/04/love-to-me-is/
[Please visit the original site if you have some spare time…    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	Lessons
	We Used To Sing
2020	And #45 Is Flat On His Face
2019	I’m Still Hungry
2018	What Matters
2017	By Far
2016	Until…
2015	Or Infinitesimal
2014	I’ve Looked At Clouds
2013	Undiscovered Ocean
2012	Feeling Old? (Part 2)
2011	What About Freedom?

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A Little Epiphany

I suddenly had a little epiphany:  all the books we own, both read and unread, are the fullest expression of self we have at our disposal.  …  But with each passing year, and with each whimsical purchase, our libraries become more and more able to articulate who we are, whether we read the books or not.
—     Nick Hornby
[A similar quote was found at one of the blogs I follow:  A Pondering Mind
The specific post is located at:  All The Books We Own – A Pondering Mind
This slightly longer version came from:  AZ Quotes.com
Both are highly recommended.    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	Clear Global Standards
	A Girl Like You
2020	Life’s Mysteries
2019	I Doubt I Ever Will
2018	Who Will Thank (If Not Remember) Me
2017	Reinforced Learning
2016	I Choose To Believe
2015	What They Don’t Teach You At School
2014	Still Trying To Die (5)
2013	Honest Doubt
2012	Choice
2011	Ownership Of Thought

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A Wonderful Tension

There’s this wonderful sort of tension in the wind — that moment when you’re held there suspended is a very beautiful moment … a moment of clarity in a very chaotic situation.  …  It’s like a shaft of light that penetrates.
—    Andy Goldsworthy
From:  “Leaning Into the Wind”
[Originally found at one of the blogs I follow:  “I can’t sleep” AKA:  “Live & Learn“
Located at:  https://davidkanigan.com/
The specific post is located at:  https://davidkanigan.com/2021/04/15/lightly-child-lightly-295/
Please visit the original site if you have a spare minute.    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	Little And Large Choices
	I Got Something To Say
	Alternate Reality
2020	When?
2019	Two Guides
2018	A Call For You
2017	Because I Read
2016	On What Matters…
2015	Social Security
2014	Bewitching
2013	Visiting Joy
2012	Dedication To Today
2011	Project Second Chance – Adult Literacy
	Turning Coal Into Diamonds

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Where One Goes

If one really wishes to know how justice is administered in a country, one does not question the policemen, the lawyers, the judges, or the protected members of the middle class.  One goes to the unprotected – those, precisely, who need the law’s protection most – and listens to their testimony.
—    James A. Baldwin
[This quote was found on one of the blogs I follow:  I didn’t have my glasses on….
Located at:  https://ididnthavemyglasseson.com/
The specific post is located at:  https://ididnthavemyglasseson.com/2021/04/21/justice-begins/
Please visit the original site when you have a spare minute.    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	A Direct Relationship
	Another Night Train South
2020	One Person’s Roses…
2019	In The Long-Run
2018	#NeverAgain
	Doss II
	Doesn’t / Does
2017	Talent Hates To Move
2016	Looking To November
2015	It Isn’t The End
	Prospero’s Precepts
2014	Friends
2013	Learning Bitter
2012	Remembrance, Minstrels & Going Off To War
	May I Have More Happiness, Please?
2011	There Is No God, But God
2010	Another Running Book…

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One Link In The Chain

Living is worthwhile if one can contribute in some small way to this endless chain of progress.
—    Paul Dirac
[Found on one of the blogs I follow:  “ram H singhal“
Located at:  https://ram0singhal.wordpress.com/
The specific post is at:  https://ram0singhal.wordpress.com/2021/07/13/1933-nobel-prize-in-physics-paul-adrien-maurice-dirac/
Please visit the original site if you have a spare moment.    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	Life Measures
	First Thing Every Morning
2020	Like #45 And Many Of His Supporters
(Leap Year 29th)	With Some Epic Scenery Along The Way
2019	Creative Prayer Time
	ADF: Day 9:5
2018	#DumbDonald: Start With Hearing What You Don’t Want Said
2017	The Press Is NOT The Enemy
2016	It Ain’t Easy
(Leap Year 29th)	Or Try To, Anyway…
(Leap Year 29th)	Circles Within Circles
2015	A Series Of Funerals
2014	And Your Point Is?
2013	Infinitely Care
2012	In My Room
(Leap Year 29th)	Stingray – TV Series Review  (This is my most popular post since starting my blog – hands down!  It still draws hits almost every week.  The hits seem to come mostly from Central Europe.  I guess the show must be in syndication there.  //  2020 update:  While this is still my all-time, most popular post, it is no longer being viewed every week – or even month.  I guess the show is no longer in syndication.)
(Leap Year 29th)	A Single Thread
2011	Lyrical Mixture
	Teaching = Translating

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Don’t Pretend

POEM: Lesson Learned
If I’ve learned anything,
if the years of schooling and the degrees have done me any good,
if the stacks of books that have passed before my eyes shed any light,
it’s the recognition of the ubiquity of darkness,
&
of the fact
that it’s better to learn to cautiously navigate the cave
than to pretend there’s no darkness.
[This poem is from one of the blogs / sites I follow which is titled:  the !n(tro)verted yogi
The site can be found at:  https://berniegourley.com/
The specific post is:  https://berniegourley.com/2020/12/07/poem-lesson-learned/
Please visit the original site if you have some spare time.    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	I Like Curves More, Too
	I Don’t Know What I’d Do
2020	Pay It Forward
2019	From My Sullied Prison
2018	In My Room (2)
2017	Pretending
2016	And Songs Too…
2015	On The Road To Failure
2014	Each Moment
2013	Conversation
2012	4 Down, 11 Done (At Last)
	I’m Not Afraid
2011	Who’s Risk Is It, Anyway?

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Full Of It

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
—    Mark Twain
[Found at one of the blogs I follow:  “A Pondering Mind“
The site is located at:  https://aponderingmind.org/
The specific post is at:  https://aponderingmind.org/2020/05/17/politicians-and-diapers-must-be-changed-often-and-for-the-same-reason-mark-twain/
Please visit the original site if you have a spare moment.   —   KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	I’m Still Learning To Play
	What Are You Looking For?
2020	All You Can
2019	No Wall And Not One Dollar
	‘Cause It Makes Me Scratch
2018	Mirror, Mirror
2017	Keep On Keeping On
2016	Reflections
2015	Is It Time Yet?
2014	Ask Any Follower
2013	Cornered Or Surrounded?
2012	Escape
2011	Achievement
	Not Unreasonable Enough

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Suggestions (The Order Of Precedence Is Optional)…

Rules for a Better Life
These are my rules for a better life.
• Be polite
• Take time to enjoy the little things
• Keep your promises
• Smile more
• Be grateful
• Do your best
• Don’t compare yourself to others
• Get enough sleep
• Always be learning
• Be humble
• Admit your mistakes
• Forgive yourself and others
• Be helpful
• Spend time with family and friends
• Live within your means
• Maintain a healthy lifestyle
• Be honest
• Pay attention to the world around you
• Listen to people
By:  Lynn Thaler
[This list was from a post on a blog / website I followed:  http://lynnthaler.com/
The original post was at:  http://lynnthaler.com/2019/07/15/rules-for-a-better-life/
The site no longer appears to be active.  …I guess that’s what happens when I wait two-plus years to cite from it.    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	But That’s Certainly Irrational
	Just Goin’ To My Room
2020	The Butterflies Are In Trouble
2019	The Deep Center
2018	Oh, Heaven (Too)
2017	Now Pausing Makes Sense
2016	Just Spicy
	Only One Part
2015	Positive Acts Of Creation
2014	One Thing Is Clear
2013	Corrections
	See Greatness
2012	Gemutlichkeit
2011	Back On The Asphalt

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First, To Understand

First, I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind.  If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it.  We do not write in order to be understood;  we write in order to understand.
—    Cecil Day-Lewis
[Found at one of the blogs I follow:  Just A Small Town Girl…
The specific post is at:  C.D. Lewis Quote – Just A Small Town Girl… (sauj4.com)
Please visit the original site if you have a few spare moments…    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2021	So How Should We Persuade The Dangerous?
	Can A Loser Ever Win?
2020	Maybe More Than A Very Few
2019	Missing Failure
2018	Praise God
2017	Necessary Gaps
2016	Nor My Dogs
2015	Say What?
	I’m A Dog, Too!
	Beginnings
2014	Astonishing Choices
2013	Three Hard Tasks
2012	The Only Remains
2011	Personal Capability
	What Price Failure?
	Both Of W’s Elections
	Tea (Baggers) Anyone?

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Small Moments, Lived Well

When we see someone online play a piece note-perfect, we are seeing the fruit of more time than we would ever suspect.
Professional players have often spent hundreds of practice hours on a 3-minute piece of music.  And even more time working on basic skills and abilities.
When we see and hear them, it appears simple.  It looks easy.  So we again assume incorrectly.  We chalk it up to talent or luck.
But the reality is that high-level playing is possible for anyone (physical limitations aside).  It’s all matter of minutes and hours.
Luckily, time will pass whether we practice or not.  In three years, we will either have three more years of practice behind us, or we won’t.
We don’t need more time in the day.  There’s no race or competition.  No one cares how well we play.  Guitar is a personal challenge and pursuit.  Others may support and encourage, but they don’t care whether we practice each day or not.
The trick to putting in more time on something is to enjoy the practice.  And this is born of creating small, achievable challenges, and meeting them.  Over and over.  We find something slightly difficult then we work on it.
We get feelings of satisfaction from winning the challenge.  And our skills expand bit by bit, day after day.
We can (and should) still care about short-term results.  We need the motivation that comes from success.
But we can also keep the long-term in mind.  We can accept that pieces may take months or years to play well.  Our speed and agility may take months and years to improve to where we want them.
Like life itself, our music is made of small moments, lived well.  And the more we focus on process and quality, the smoother and more quickly we enjoy the fruits.
From a website I follow:  https://www.classicalguitarshed.com/
The specific post / page is:  https://www.classicalguitarshed.com/tq-raymond-joseph-teller-magic-time/
[Please visit the original site if you have a few moments…    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2020	Two Happy
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2019	Stand Up, Hook Up, Shuffle To The Door…
2018	Ridiculous Idea
2017	Waddle On!
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2016	The Best Of Circumstances
2015	Reverberating Silence
2014	Wrong Again?
2013	Improper Faith
2012	One More Rung
2011	Sunday Morning Earlies (Hugging trees and smiling…)
	Hurry
	Updates On Life
2010	It’s Gettin’ Deep In Here

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A Loss Of Happiness

My mind has changed during the last twenty or thirty years…  Poetry of many kinds… gave me great pleasure…  Pictures gave me considerable, and music very great delight…  But now for many years I cannot endure to read a line of poetry…  Music generally sets me thinking too energetically on what I have been at work on, instead of giving me pleasure.  I retain some taste for fine scenery, but it does not cause me the exquisite delight which it formerly did.
…
My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts, but why this should have caused the atrophy of that part of the brain alone, on which the higher tastes depend, I cannot conceive.  A man with a mind more highly organised or better constituted than mine, would not, I suppose, have thus suffered;  and if I had to live my life again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week;  for perhaps the parts of my brain now atrophied would thus have been kept active through use.  The loss of these tastes is a loss of happiness, and may possibly be injurious to the intellect, and more probably to the moral character, by enfeebling the emotional part of our nature.
—     Charles Darwin
From:  “The Autobiography of Charles Darwin: 1809-1882“
[Originally found at one of the blogs / websites I follow:  https://www.themarginalian.org/
The specific post is:  https://www.themarginalian.org/2021/11/28/darwin-life/
Please visit the original site if you have a some time…    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2020	Wear A Damn Mask!
	I Can’t Stay For Long
	Boxing (#2): First Lessons
2019	A Surprisingly Good Way
	It’s Official X-mas (Tree) At Home
2018	Weight / Health Update
	What’s Happening With You?
2017	The Great Leveler
	Conservative Depressions
2016	Election + 1 Month
2015	Dance And Sing
2014	A Measuring Stick For Progress
2013	Courtly Love Or Victory Over Habit
2012	Have We Met?
2011	Efficiently Useless

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Experience A Simple Whatever

Experience one beautiful thing a day.  However small.  However trivial.  Read a poem.  Play a favorite song.  Laugh with a friend.  Gaze at the sky just before the sun’s final tumble toward night.  Watch a classic movie.  Eat a slice of lemon drizzle cake.  Whatever.  Just give yourself one simple reminder that the world is full of wonders.  Even if we are at a point in life where we can’t appreciate things, it sometimes helps to remember there are things in this world to enjoy, when we are ready.
—     Matt Haig
From: “The Comfort Book”
[Found at a blog I follow:  https://davidkanigan.com/
The specific post is:  https://davidkanigan.com/2021/09/20/monday-morning-wake-up-call-269/
Please visit the original site if you have a free moment…    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2020	Talking Politics With Trump Republicans
	In Another Lifetime
2019	People Will Come
	Change Is Here…
2018	Be My Hero – Vote Tomorrow!
	He Was All Of Us…
2017	Black And White
	Advice For #DumbDonald
2016	Mirror, Mirror
2015	Speaking With Forked Tongue
2014	The Code
2013	Eventually Formed
2012	Remember To Vote Tomorrow
2011	It Sounds Like Chaos Theory To Me

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Looking Up

This is why I much prefer autumn to spring, because in autumn you look at the sky.  In spring, the earth.
—     Søren Kierkegaard
[Found at one of the blogs I follow:  https://gabrieleromano.wordpress.com/
The specific post was:  https://gabrieleromano.wordpress.com/2021/10/02/october-has-arrived/
Please visit the original site if you have a spare moment…    —    KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2020	#45: Or All-Consuming Greed
	You Could Have Told Me Yourself
2019	Not Personal
2018	Preference For Irrationality
2017	All At Once
2016	One Of My Vices
2015	The War Lord
2014	Orange October (II) – Giants Win NLDS Game 2 In 18 Innings (2 to 1)!!
	Acknowledging Doubt
2013	Fulfilled Acceptance
2012	Error Is Tolerated Here (So Far)
2011	In Defense Of Pain

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Three Musts

Just living is not enough…  one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
—     Hans Christian Andersen
[This quote is widely available on the web, but I recently found it on a blog I follow:  https://ididnthavemyglasseson.com
The link for the specific post is:  https://ididnthavemyglasseson.com/2020/06/20/just-living-is-not-enough/
Like almost all of my “re-posts” from other blogs / websites, this excerpt is being posted without prior permission.  As such, I will remove / correct the post if requested by the the owner.  I am making no claim to ownership of the quote, the full post or to the original web site.  This is a blog I have been following for some time.
Please visit the original site if you have some time.    —     KMAB]
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On This Day In:
2020	One Ordinary Man
2019	Without A Doubt
2018	Mathematically Speaking
	119 Days And Counting
2017	Both Odd And Exceptional
2016	Private Entrance
	Camping Out In Camden
2015	Quality Government
	A Handful Of Flics
2014	Just Another Brick From The Wall
2013	Artistic Demands
2012	Foundations
2011	Are We Devouring Yet?

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