A Single Heartbeat

First off, I need to give a big shout out of thanks to the Doctors, Nurses and staff at Mount Diablo Medical Center!!  Without you I would not be here tonight blogging…
If you’ve been following this blog for the last few entries, you’ll know I was supposed to go on a 120 day assignment for work back to Baltimore, Maryland.  My flight and room had been arranged and my bags were packed…
On Friday (7 January ’11), I started feeling palpitations in my chest around the base of my throat.  Now I’ve been experiencing palpitations for at least the last five years when I had to go to the Emergency Room for IV’s to bring my heart rate down.  I’d get them every couple of months, generally they last a few minutes – maybe up to a half hour, and then just go away.  I’d discussed them with my cardiologist and he said I was probably just becoming hyper-aware because of my ER experience.  Anyway, I went to the nurse at work and she took my blood pressure and pulse.  My BP was fine, but my pulse was a little elevated (for me), around the high 90’s.  I asked her to check my pulse manually.  She asked why.  I said because the machines aren’t very good at judging irregular pulses and I only trust people for that.  She checked and found my pulse agreed with the machine, but I was correct and my pulse was irregular.  She asked me the standard questions about how I felt and since everything else was fine, she said I could go, but cautioned I needed to go see my doctor or to the ER if my symptoms changed.
The palpitations went away, but I still didn’t “feel” right the rest of the day.
Later in the day, a friend at work came up to me and said she had to give me a hug and say goodbye.  I asked what’s up and she said she had a dream something terrible happened to me while I was away and she felt she would not be able to live with herself if she didn’t say goodbye to me.  We laughed, but I could tell she was serious.
When I got home, I checked my BP several times and it remained normal with an elevated pulse (and the irregular indicator flashing).  I took my BP the following morning and it was the same.
I went out for a driving lesson with my son, James, and we stopped to do a bit of shopping while we were out.  I was fine walking around, but when I’d get in the car, I kept feeling a tightness in the center of my chest.  Not pain, just pressure.  While we were out we bumped into a colleague from work who was out shopping with her family.  Her husband was also going away on a business trip and we had a little chat.  He advised me to check my flights as a number of them were being cancelled due to the bad snowstorm on the east coast.
When I got home, I checked and, indeed, my flight had been cancelled.  I hastily rebooked for another flight – this one going to Baltimore via Detroit.  My original ticket was for Baltimore via Atlanta, but Atlanta was closed due to the weather.
The tightness in my chest was not going away so I discussed it with my wife and we decided it was best to go to the ER – just to get it checked out.  It was probably nothing, but just to be safe…
Well, to make a longer story shorter, they put me on a bed and started running IV’s into me.  They were very reassuring, but I felt like I had to tell my story to every nurse and doctor who popped their head in my room.  Having said all this, there is something definitely NOT reassuring about being told three times, “Don’t worry!  You’re in the safest place in the county to have a heart attack.”
Needless to say, around 6pm, I had a panic attack!
Now I’ve never been overly sympathetic for folks in the movies or on TV who suddenly can’t breathe and start screaming…  Let me tell you, I have a whole new attitude about it.  It may look ridiculous on screen, but when it’s YOU – it ain’t funny.  More precisely, it is terrifying!!
I suddenly felt like I was locked in a vise and it was crushing my shoulders together.  I felt myself gasping for air, but I could not take any in.  I was screaming (at least in my head I felt like I was screaming), but I’m not sure how much noise I was actually making with no air.  Hil went out into the hall to get the doctors and nurses and they came in and calmed me down.  Shortly after that, it was “happy-juice” time in the ol’ IV.  That calmed me down and the decision was made to keep me for overnight observation and a stress test in the morning.
Hil went home to the kids around 11pm.  I’m sure the whole experience had scared the bejesus out of her (it sure did out of me)!
The night was uneventful.  They wake you up every now and then to take blood, give you more drugs and to make sure you don’t sleep to well through the night (just kidding about that last part).
In the morning, it was off to the treadmill for my stress test…  Now, for my age, I’m only supposed to get up to about 140 for a few seconds to complete the test.  Well, standing there getting wired for the test, my pulse was already 135-138.  And I wasn’t even moving…  The nurses decided they didn’t want to do the test without the doctor present – so we waited a bit.  My cardiologist showed up and he restored their confidence and we got on with the test.  As it happened, I guess I passed because his whole demeanor changed and he pronounced me fit to go home!!
We had a chat about my drugs and not exercising for a week (to start) and about being careful.  He advised against my trip, but said he couldn’t stop me if I insisted on going.
Jumping ahead, I had to speak with another doctor before I could be released.  He also advised me not to travel.  In the end, Hil and I talked and we agreed for me to stay.  Trooper that she is, Hil said, “I’ll support you if you go, but I don’t want you to because I don’t think it’s safe and you’re not well.”
When we got home, I called my Center Director and she agreed it wasn’t a good idea to travel so soon.  She assured me the most important thing was my health and other opportunities would come along.  I thanked her and began the process of cancelling my flight and room and committing to staying.
Today marks one week since the start of the palpitations…  Hil has unpacked for me.  She has really been a rock for me this week.  I took two days off to adjust to my new meds and have now been back at work for three days.  Everyone has been supportive at work.  I’m still keenly aware of my chest/heart/pulse, and every now and then there is an almost exquisite sense of terror that my heart could stop any minute now.  Today, Hil and I went for a short walk – about five blocks.  My legs feel leaden and my chest feels hollow.  No pain or tightness, just not full.  I guess it’s the new drugs working at slowing my pulse.
In a way, I feel as if I’ve been given another chance at life…  Hil and I curl up together at night to reassure each other and it all seems so precious and yet so fragile…
I have loads of new topics to blog about:  atrial fibrillation, blood thinning, fear, renewed hopes, love of family, warm sunlight and fresh air, and the simple joy of being alive…
My New Year’s resolution of walking at least a half hour every day this year doesn’t seem like such a trivial accomplishment anymore.  Technically, I’ve already blown it for the last seven days.  I think I’ll forgive myself for missing it this week.  Slowly, slowly, get better every day…
And that single heartbeat — the most important one — it’s the next one!
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On This Day In:
2023	I Hope Blogging Counts Too
2022	Republican Ambling
2021	I’d Argue Wealth, Then Income
	Knock Him Off His Feet (Mighty Love)
2020	Steppin’…
2019	Every Vote Counts
2018	Or A President
2017	Pleasures
2016	Why Not?
2015	Je Suis Charlie
2014	To The Nines
2013	Higher And Truer
2012	Life’s Last Question
2011	A Single Heartbeat
	A Little Male Humor – WHY MEN SHOULDN’T RETIRE

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1,001

Last Thursday, I had my 1,000th workout at the gym in the building where I work.  Friday was off, Saturday was Christmas and yesterday was Boxing Day.  Today, it was back to work.
And of course, that meant back to the gym – for workout 1,001.  When you say you’ve done something one thousand times, it sounds like such an achievement.  When you say you’ve done it a thousand and one, you put it back into perspective.  To me, it’s not:  “Did you win the race?”  It’s:  “When did you run again?”  Or as some would say:  it’s not the goal, it’s the path.
Today was my last day for a while.  I’m going on a detail for work back to Baltimore, Maryland.  The detail is 120 days.  I’ll be leaving in January and back in May.  I’ll be documenting it (the trip) on this blog.  I’m not sure what to expect.  With the exception of Saudi, most of my trips away from my family have only been for a week at most and I’ve usually stayed in a hotel room.  I’m told I’ll be in some kind of longer-term accommodation.  I’m not sure what that means exactly.  I think it means a hotel room with a small kitchen.  We’ll see…
I’ll be taking some books with me, but mostly I’m planning to work, workout and blog.  Again, we’ll see…
I don’t know how many times I’m going to  get opportunities to visit the east coast, so I’m hoping a bit to get a chance to visit some of the Civil War battlefields – Gettysburg, Antietam and Manassas are the one’s which come to mind.  Gettysburg is a must.  The other two are names which have always struck me when I’ve heard them, but not being a “true” Civil War buff, I don’t currently know much about them.  Again, I’m not sure what I’ll find when I go looking, but I hear their names calling to me across the haze of history through the fog of bitter conflict.
Reading
Last Friday (X-mas eve), I finished reading “Shit My Dad Says” by Justin Halpern (2008©).  This is one seriously funny book!  More than once, I laughed until I cried.  It is just sooo hilarious.  I highly recommend it!
Movie Reviews
Yesterday, I went to see “Tron: Legacy” with my son James.  It’s a sequel of TRON, a movie which came out way back in 1982.  The funny thing is I remember seeing the original, but it could not have been before 1987, because I didn’t start programming until late 1986, so the movie would not have meant anything to me before that.  As it was, I felt I was inside a little club of folks who knew something about a world that most people didn’t.  I knew about TRace ON (TRON) and TRace OFF (TROFF), CPUs, bits, bytes and the whole speed of light, MHz cycles (light-cycles), etc…
Anyway, this version is not nearly so enthralling.  The animation / special effects are superb, and the story is fairly deep, but it just wasn’t entertaining enough for me.  Pleasant, but not enjoyable.  Reminiscent, but not inspiring.  I’m not sure how to describe a movie you expect to touch you one way, which does mean something, but just doesn’t quite reach you there.  I’m glad I saw it.  It’s worth the $7.25;  but, I’m glad I didn’t pay full price and definitely glad I didn’t splurge for the 3D version.
After I got home from TRON, I had dinner and watched a terrific movie with my Hil: “Julie and Julia“.   It’s a movie about a woman who decides to write a blog about cooking her way through a cookbook written by Julia Childs.  Meryl Streep plays Julia Childs and she is fantastic.  The movie is wonderful on many, many levels:  a story of newly-weds starting out, a woman finding herself, a new blogger, a new writer, a woman deeply in love with her husband and with living life, cooking (of course), and food.  Some of the levels are Julie.  Some of them are Julia.  And, some of them are both ladies (and all of us as viewers).  I would say this though, it was an intimate movie which I enjoyed watching at home (with just my wife).  I’m not sure it would have been as enjoyable on a big screen and with a crowd of strangers.   Just an observation.
And one final movie review:  “Miracle On 34th Street“.  This is simply my favorite Christmas movie of all time.  If you haven’t seen it recently, you need to see the original (in black and white).  It is incredible “Americana” at it’s best.  The details are everywhere.  You really can see history in movies which are meant to be contemporary when you view them 60 to 70 years later.
Art is supposed to speak to us individually.
Enjoy all three – then drop me a comment and let me know if they spoke to you, too.
Oh, yeah.  1,002 may not be for a while, but tomorrow I start jogging at home – after work…  I guess that will be 1.
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On This Day In:
2022	Neat, Please
2021	Someone Should Tell Senator Joe Manchin
	One Of The Things We Need (Listen To The Music)
2020	Boxing Day 2020
	Fractal Branches (Bloody Well Right)
	Advice For Sons, Too
2019	Almost Soulful Pleasure
2018	Cursive In The News
2017	Coffee Crunch
2016	Preparation
2015	Scarcely Asked
2014	They Resemble Us
2013	Both
2012	That’s Success!
2011	Losing At Dominoes
2010	1,001

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